all i wanna to do..

is have some fun. i get the feeling i'm not the only one. all i wanna to do is have some fun..


a familiar tune that kept ringing in my head today. a fabulous weekend it has been. it all started on a wrong note though, with a bout of diarrhoea and vommiting. thank god it all went well.


f for f1, f for fantastic. being in paddock club was definitely the highlight for this year. the overwhelming feeling of walking along the very race that button's gonna race on, the lingering smell the burning tyres from the practice run. seeing the techs in action preparing in the pit. wow! dinner was definitely another highlight. she was absolutely amazing. i love chatting with her. her poise, her delicate actions, her gentleness, my nervousness earlier was uncalled for.


mind's swirling around. floating feeling abound. 5am it was this morning. that's 3 hrs sleep. hectic day it has been but i found a hidden passion. thanks to my brother who uncovered that for me. the wedding was great. surprising twist. like the 'desserts' they prepared for us, the jie-meis were a sweet bunch.


amidst the hussle of the pacy weekend, my mind was on the one. like an old band backstreet boys sings "you're the one for me, you're my ecstacy. you're the one i need..."


it's been so long since my heart tingered for anyone. oh god, i miss her so much. if yours truly ever believes in fate, would fate allow us to be together? cross fingers.

fallen mask

a long time it has been. a friend reminded me the pain of holding. and hiding.

while the brain wants to hide, the head says no. time to be truthful to myself. and deny myself no longer. at the end of the day, one can deny the whole world but not himself. deception it shall no longer be.

you are right. once gone it cannot be retrieved. but ever wondered why the step was not taken? do you even care? how come i do not feel it?

there is something on the floor. a mask.

the fallen mask

be truthful to yourself.

murphy's strikes

when things are meant to go wrong, it will go wrong (no matter how much you try to prevent it). the law of murphy still applies today.

monday. murphy came to my door.

early morning issues. unhappy customers. but who can blame them. they are just looking from their own perspectives. door closed. lights off. music on. a moment of peace i need. a trance i seek. for that moment at least while i recover my senses.

door opens. system downtime. more unhappy customers. colleagues staying up late. morale support they need. in went me. but who will be there for me. when i need you most. where were you.

its been a while. cold yet warm. roller coaster ride it seems. i need not that for now. stability. selfish angle i was looking at.

bounce back i must. ion looks nice. somehow small but i feel affinity.

living in a facade. trying to s.m.i.l.e for them i must. for her i will.

murphy strikes. but will go.

stand by i shall.

escapism

escapism. something that still astound me till today. running away.

why do people like to live in a world of escapism. drowning their hearts and souls in sorrow. living in a facade or belief that they will wake up stronger and better. reliving their short moments or spurts of perceived happiness. only to be overwhelmed by a chronic migraine the next day.

why do people like to say things that they do not mean. to hurt others that they do not wish to. to run away when they do not need to. someone said it was because they are insecured. to live through the pain again is not something their hearts can take.

but everyone has a choice. why deny yours.

indulging in escapism is not living at all. not to me as least.

be happy. be bold. love others like how you like to be loved.

close your eyes. take a deep breath. feel the tenderness as the wind flirts with your lips.

hide no more. smile.

simplicity. nature.

keep it. simple. short. sweet

lazy. thats how it has been since the last post. avid readers can thrash me. but it is the truth. i logged in. did not blog. but blogging is a choice. my choice.

roller coaster moving upwards again. but the view is different. somewhat. perhaps it is how the man who sold the ticket communicated. but the feeling is different. where it used to hold, it does not now. the ticket. the view. the look. it does not feel the same anymore.

until. a recent dinner at a random place in little chinatown. baring the fangs. no holds barred. someone who could allow me to throw some punches. and retaliated with a few. those few that spun me, and woke me up.

boy, o boy. as it is with my clean cut top. the reflection has always been there. somehow missed and overlooked that. the one who need help. strip the facade. keep it naked. nakedness is beauty in the eyes of the beholder. natural simplicity. look beyond that. for them i live. and slog.

and till i die, passion never dies.

while one end of the pendulum has been awoken. the other lies is whirlpool. spinning left to right. right to left. sometimes it aches. sometimes the warm overwhelms. compensating that, patience. the jewel is worth the time. simplicity at its best, even if it is just a gum.

sweeet sarcharine look. you may be scarred. insecured. but beautiful in the heart is what you still are.

once again i hehold, till i die, passion never dies.

quarantine

mind over body. body over mind. not this time. virulent in nature. micro-organisms that makes one succumb to fate. body heat rising. not a sign that anyone would want.

the body is weak. the mind is strong. but in sync they are not. equation in disarray. damn.

rotate i cannot. breathing poses a challenge. but excitement looms ahead. a system that must recover for the exhilaration ahead.

a wonderous week it has been. not physically but mentally. a roller coaster ride it has been. one that the heart can do without. a pleasure one feels. the invent of technology. and the message it brings. one message was all it took. for the downward spiral ride to u-turn up again. delight.

flirting thoughts of a four-wheeler clouds over. the freedom it brings. unrivalled.

but then. the body must awake. til then, quarantine it will be.

signs

signs are subjected to interpretation. but perceptions corrupts the way one think, does it not?

pat on the back. someone gave me. pat that is worth more than one can imagine.

someone asked me recently if it was time to go back to studies. i am meant for bigger things. that i know. a hint was there. but my own hesitation set me uneasy. back one year ago, i will be overwhelmed by happiness. but not now. something is holding me back.

mirror reflected a soul that looks down. a soul that is not me. for i am one who does not bow to fate. destiny lies one my own hands. but for this moment, i look down. we all have our weak moments, don't we?

the weekend air was fresh. my da jie had no idea how much it helped me to rest. the stillness. the serenity. wandering thoughts are kept abuzz. fluttering hearts with butterflies in the stomach.

intensity. passion. frustration. alas

i see footsteps on the ground. mine. unfortunately.

a sign i need. for my own interpretation. to keep me going.

when the wind blows

takes you somewhere. a beautiful night it turned out yesterday. simple and sweet. cool yet warm.

fabulous weekend, i call it, for the tired body. the hotel that brought back painful memories. so much that it still ache now. ain't 100% fit yet. rotation is a challenge without grimacing. but warm bodies fill the heart. as did the food the stomach. at the dawn of the new day begins, the outcome was expected, the better team won. but everton wasn't bad. at least they stand proud.

morning brunch was a tad too oily and unhealthy. but with good company. nothing much matters anyway. neighbours are great, especially with convenience atop the agenda. comfort in the company of each other. what do you get when you place two monkeys together? a helluva good time and laughs.

sun has fallen. the man was awoken. humongous appetite awaken. and in brudder you trust. good food, good times. as the wind blew. envy was in the eyes. love was in the air, around her at least. and i'm happy for her. for that's how love should be like. simplicity. and happiness.

somewhere out there. where the wind blows. the countdown begins. 4's good to begin with.

the heart calls. the longings. the voice. heh. i am but a simple man misunderstood.

invisible hand

helplessness.

do you know how the feeling is like when you are there, and you are not able to help? silently wishing that each tear lost is a moment of pain gone.

i saw. from the corner. the crystal drops flowing down your face,
i saw, from my little eyes, the redness in yours,
i felt, the frustration beating in your chest,

but i could do nothing. nothing that seem to sooth your pain.

a ear i can lent. a shoulder i can rent. a heart that i can bent.

nothing. it seems i can do. to reduce your pain.

but can i do something? yes, i think i can.

an invisible hand is what i can offer. one that will hold you close. hold you strong. giving you to courage to walk forward. towards the sunlight as i promised. on the beach. a set of footprints. a tired pair of arms from holding you. but one worth every single ounce of muscle.

yes i can lend you an invisible hand

imperfections

are our lives bruised from pain? from experiences? of course we are.

no one is perfect in this world. at least i have not found someone perfect yet. i thought i did many years back during undergraduate days. but then again, i hardly knew her though i was the envy of many peers.

hurt by others if what you had experienced. others whom i think do not deserve your love and affections. afraid to try. normal. no one can say the thought is wrong.

as one of my brothers shared with me many years back. imperfections makes our lives better because we will learn to appreciate perfections if we ever find it.

at the end of the day, the only thing i wish is that despite the imperfections, we can find our own perfections.

if there is only a pair of feet on the beach, do not fret. For it is only because you are in my arms, and walking into the sunset is what we are doing.

imperfections bring out the best in each of us, because only with that, will we work towards perfections.

snapshots of innocence

*click click*

a fren coming to the house of the prince at this hour, the madame queried with a twinkle of the eye. a twinkle i don't often see, but recognise.

no, she's my very good friend from varsity. not what you are thinking. a concern friend whom every mother will like. personality. natural. true enough, she brought smiles to the madame.

it was a nice and comfortable chat. a conversation i so much missed and rarely find an opportunity to do. initial ackwardness immediately changed as friendship and comfort triumphed. no 3. the privilege i told her. to lie on the holy grail. my holy grail.

no 1 was the pure sarrachine sweetness. no 2 had moved to far across the pacific. she reminded me of the past. the conversations. the innocence. the sweetness. and no 1 has it all.

time flew and fatigue creeped in slowly. new tar does not mask the fonder memories. it was at this very precise area that where the magic began. the things that all birds do. love birds. she ain't heavy. even if she is. i won't say. not because it may hurt. but rather because it would not matter much to me anyway.

thank you brother. you came. and left me with smiles. smiles knowing that i had left my memories behind. and will smile when i look back. fondly. but to look forward again.

snapshots of innocence

deep breathing

- deep breathing -

pulsating heartbeat. thumping music.

frivolous mind. wandering soul. uncertainties.

dis-spirited soul within the body. shambling feelings.

diversity. confusion.

a wingless eagle attempting to soar through the darkening clouds.

will there be light


- deep breathing-

flicker of inspiration

believer of inspiration. one that comes and goes with the wind. at a particular time. certain moment. magic happens. smile to the face.

browsing through my pictures since time is on my side. my heart thumped with excitement as i went through album by album. like a little kid who got his first toy. i jumped up and down in glee. only on my sofa bed. for the ankle cannot take the weight. for now.

add music into the picture. feelings overwhelmed as the favourites are being played in class 95. eureka! deja vu! the feelings of happiness over-rules the other evil.

i know what i need. and what i must to.

forgive the past. leave that in memory lane. discard the sourness. relive the sweetness.

a flicker of inspiration.

the finale

the night was calling. the dream remains a dream. or has it?

-ding dong- a text came in. surprise! prata on the move. dreams can become reality too. sometimes. wind in my hair. boredom superceded by hunger superceded by niceness. if neighbours are meant to be like this, i wish i had more.

time to sleep. -phone rings- a familiar tune sounded. oh hang on, the night seems still young. tao huay offer that is hard to resist. and dreams are fast becoming a reality. well almost. with a da-jie like this, who can ask for more. nice chat, though i had to move a bit. but it was nice to meet up again with her. always enjoyed the times we spent. my inspiration and idol.

i should sleep. -phone rings- yet again. now now, this is becoming a real busy night, ain't it? brudder called. love her to bits. she makes my day because she never fails to bring a smile to my face. crappiness is redefined with her around. with buddies like her, you don't need much company. one is enough. or maybe two.

perhaps i really should slp. just a little while more since a familiar one is online. a listening hear is what she needs. and what i can and willing to offer.

concussed. with a smile. what an end to an otherwise boring day.

the beginnings

and here we go...!

welcome to the insights to the life of the P.O.W aka me.

finally started my own blog. when you have time on your hands, you can do lots of things, don't you? read book, facebook, dvd, msn, you name it, i've probably done it. as long as it falls under the family of the couch potatoes.

wavering thought in my mind. cheesecake in a box. but it will never be. so who will come? my friendly neighbour? my da-jie? or .... nah, just a thought, won't hurt ya?

a phone call. now who will it be? private line. could it be. grinz

(after 5 mins) nope, it's from office. my left hand. shucks. its okay, i got my dvds and book beside me.

but my cheesecake. damn. it would be nice though. delivered. just you and me. under the whampoa tree. rhymes eh.

for those who do not understand, don't bother.