all i wanna to do..

is have some fun. i get the feeling i'm not the only one. all i wanna to do is have some fun..


a familiar tune that kept ringing in my head today. a fabulous weekend it has been. it all started on a wrong note though, with a bout of diarrhoea and vommiting. thank god it all went well.


f for f1, f for fantastic. being in paddock club was definitely the highlight for this year. the overwhelming feeling of walking along the very race that button's gonna race on, the lingering smell the burning tyres from the practice run. seeing the techs in action preparing in the pit. wow! dinner was definitely another highlight. she was absolutely amazing. i love chatting with her. her poise, her delicate actions, her gentleness, my nervousness earlier was uncalled for.


mind's swirling around. floating feeling abound. 5am it was this morning. that's 3 hrs sleep. hectic day it has been but i found a hidden passion. thanks to my brother who uncovered that for me. the wedding was great. surprising twist. like the 'desserts' they prepared for us, the jie-meis were a sweet bunch.


amidst the hussle of the pacy weekend, my mind was on the one. like an old band backstreet boys sings "you're the one for me, you're my ecstacy. you're the one i need..."


it's been so long since my heart tingered for anyone. oh god, i miss her so much. if yours truly ever believes in fate, would fate allow us to be together? cross fingers.

fallen mask

a long time it has been. a friend reminded me the pain of holding. and hiding.

while the brain wants to hide, the head says no. time to be truthful to myself. and deny myself no longer. at the end of the day, one can deny the whole world but not himself. deception it shall no longer be.

you are right. once gone it cannot be retrieved. but ever wondered why the step was not taken? do you even care? how come i do not feel it?

there is something on the floor. a mask.

the fallen mask

be truthful to yourself.

murphy's strikes

when things are meant to go wrong, it will go wrong (no matter how much you try to prevent it). the law of murphy still applies today.

monday. murphy came to my door.

early morning issues. unhappy customers. but who can blame them. they are just looking from their own perspectives. door closed. lights off. music on. a moment of peace i need. a trance i seek. for that moment at least while i recover my senses.

door opens. system downtime. more unhappy customers. colleagues staying up late. morale support they need. in went me. but who will be there for me. when i need you most. where were you.

its been a while. cold yet warm. roller coaster ride it seems. i need not that for now. stability. selfish angle i was looking at.

bounce back i must. ion looks nice. somehow small but i feel affinity.

living in a facade. trying to s.m.i.l.e for them i must. for her i will.

murphy strikes. but will go.

stand by i shall.

escapism

escapism. something that still astound me till today. running away.

why do people like to live in a world of escapism. drowning their hearts and souls in sorrow. living in a facade or belief that they will wake up stronger and better. reliving their short moments or spurts of perceived happiness. only to be overwhelmed by a chronic migraine the next day.

why do people like to say things that they do not mean. to hurt others that they do not wish to. to run away when they do not need to. someone said it was because they are insecured. to live through the pain again is not something their hearts can take.

but everyone has a choice. why deny yours.

indulging in escapism is not living at all. not to me as least.

be happy. be bold. love others like how you like to be loved.

close your eyes. take a deep breath. feel the tenderness as the wind flirts with your lips.

hide no more. smile.

simplicity. nature.

keep it. simple. short. sweet

lazy. thats how it has been since the last post. avid readers can thrash me. but it is the truth. i logged in. did not blog. but blogging is a choice. my choice.

roller coaster moving upwards again. but the view is different. somewhat. perhaps it is how the man who sold the ticket communicated. but the feeling is different. where it used to hold, it does not now. the ticket. the view. the look. it does not feel the same anymore.

until. a recent dinner at a random place in little chinatown. baring the fangs. no holds barred. someone who could allow me to throw some punches. and retaliated with a few. those few that spun me, and woke me up.

boy, o boy. as it is with my clean cut top. the reflection has always been there. somehow missed and overlooked that. the one who need help. strip the facade. keep it naked. nakedness is beauty in the eyes of the beholder. natural simplicity. look beyond that. for them i live. and slog.

and till i die, passion never dies.

while one end of the pendulum has been awoken. the other lies is whirlpool. spinning left to right. right to left. sometimes it aches. sometimes the warm overwhelms. compensating that, patience. the jewel is worth the time. simplicity at its best, even if it is just a gum.

sweeet sarcharine look. you may be scarred. insecured. but beautiful in the heart is what you still are.

once again i hehold, till i die, passion never dies.

quarantine

mind over body. body over mind. not this time. virulent in nature. micro-organisms that makes one succumb to fate. body heat rising. not a sign that anyone would want.

the body is weak. the mind is strong. but in sync they are not. equation in disarray. damn.

rotate i cannot. breathing poses a challenge. but excitement looms ahead. a system that must recover for the exhilaration ahead.

a wonderous week it has been. not physically but mentally. a roller coaster ride it has been. one that the heart can do without. a pleasure one feels. the invent of technology. and the message it brings. one message was all it took. for the downward spiral ride to u-turn up again. delight.

flirting thoughts of a four-wheeler clouds over. the freedom it brings. unrivalled.

but then. the body must awake. til then, quarantine it will be.

signs

signs are subjected to interpretation. but perceptions corrupts the way one think, does it not?

pat on the back. someone gave me. pat that is worth more than one can imagine.

someone asked me recently if it was time to go back to studies. i am meant for bigger things. that i know. a hint was there. but my own hesitation set me uneasy. back one year ago, i will be overwhelmed by happiness. but not now. something is holding me back.

mirror reflected a soul that looks down. a soul that is not me. for i am one who does not bow to fate. destiny lies one my own hands. but for this moment, i look down. we all have our weak moments, don't we?

the weekend air was fresh. my da jie had no idea how much it helped me to rest. the stillness. the serenity. wandering thoughts are kept abuzz. fluttering hearts with butterflies in the stomach.

intensity. passion. frustration. alas

i see footsteps on the ground. mine. unfortunately.

a sign i need. for my own interpretation. to keep me going.